Running With The Wolves and My Girls

This week we bring you a mash-up of sorts of Monroe Doctrines present and past.

Yesterday was the culmination of my semi-volunteering/getting talked into running the Second Annual Running of the Wolves 5K. My daughters, Ally and Kristi, wanted to do it. Ally’s an old pro, having run it last year (Monroe Doctrine May 24, 2010). Kristi was giving it a shot for the first time.

We go to registration to pick up some swag and receive our runners bibs. Much to my chagrin I was assigned number 21. The marathon gods are laughing at me. Will I juice up and perform like Sosa or underperform like Colvin or go old school like Greg Gross?

I noticed last year and again this year, there seems to be a parental courtesy of slowing down to run/finish the race with your child. However it doesn’t appear to be a reciprocal relationship. Ally took off at the starter’s gun and Kristi came down the homestretch, saw the finish line and took off like she was the Roadrunner getting away from Wile E Coyote (little puff of smoke leaving her heels included).

My hope was to finish with a better time than I did last year. But since I didn’t train at all, was one year older and the last time I went for a run was the First Annual Running of the Wolves, the odds weren’t favorable. Surprisingly I finished 14 seconds behind last year’s pace with a time of 35:12 (ok, so I performed like Colvin), which if you turn that into a whole number is the amount of aches and pains I’m feeling this morning.

I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. This year there wasn’t a positive Cubs team to focus on. The Rebels are stumbling in eighth place, and I didn’t want to be focusing on that for 3.2 miles. So I charged up my IPod and set the tunes to Straight No Chaser (Monroe Doctrine April 20, 2011). I knew I was going to need the guys to carry me through the hard parts (basically everything after the first half mile).

That strategy worked pretty well. “Up On The Roof”, “Billie Jean/Poison”, “For The Longest Time” and “Heard It Through The Grapevine” took my mind off the pain in my legs, the cramps in my sides and shortness of breath. Down the home stretch I queued up “Lion Sleeps Tonight”. The goal was to finish the race before they finished the song. It was close, but mission accomplished. Before the final “Aweemaway” I sprinted past the school’s principal and, wait, what the hell is that? Oh god, dehydration and delusion must be setting in. There’s a huge six foot dog at the finish line. That can’t be right, can it? Don’t piss him off! Give it a high five. As it turns out it was a guy in a big dog suit that is the mascot from Aaron’s Furniture & Electronics in Aurora.

I will tell you that one parallel in life and sports is focus and determination. Ally was determined to improve on her performance last year and get a medal. She did it. Knocked five minutes off her time and finished second in age group, garnering not a medal but a trophy.

We’ll be back next year for more pain, suffering and pride.

The Globe is Warming Up (to the Monroe Doctrine)

The Monroe Doctrine is many things. Whimsical? I hope. Insightful? I double hope. A waste of time? I hope not. But international? Who knew?

Being able to track the visitors to the Monroe Doctrine has allowed me to recognize my loyal readers (Matt B., Tim, David) but also the states and countries – yes I said COUNTRIES – that have visited the humble musings of a bald guy destined for endless second division finishes.

Aside from Naperville, Chicago and Mount Prospect, here are the more interesting hits on the 3^rd rock from the sun. Liepaja, Latvia; Mesa AZ; Quezon City, Philippines; Russian Federation; Mountain View, CA; Laurens, SC; Ulsan, Republic of Korea; Oakley, CA; Rego Park, NY; Council Bluffs, IA; Nagoya, Aichi, Japan; North Easton, MA; Saline, MI; Fort Wayne, IN; Burlington, IA; Quinter, KS; Greensboro, NC, I kid you not.

I know some of the distance comes from current and past owners. But Ulsan, Republic of Korea? Hello! Was someone in Mesa, AZ trying to get the latest baseball news as Spring Training was beginning?

Is North Easton, MA, trying to get the latest on the Red Sox/Yankee rivalry? Boy did you misfire, we only cover major league baseball at the Monroe Doctrine.

Mountain View, CA is closer to Stanford University than they are to a major league city. Is a movie director scouting me out to turn my words into pictures?

When I saw this I had to think about what someone in the Phillippines could be searching on that would cause them to visit the Monroe Doctrine. It couldn’t be that we’ve become an international hit could it? Will I be invited to come to Liepaja and appear on “Good Morning Latvia”?

Will I guest appear with “Boris and Kathy Lee” in the Russian Federation? I could be spreading the word about fantasy baseball in general and the CFCL in specific. Ooh the possibilities! You guys better be nice to me lest all your dirty secrets come flowing out!

Maybe I make the typical rounds of the Philippines, Japan, Korea and Rego Park, NY, dropping amusing anecdotes and weighing the response. Then I come back and write the Great American CFCL Fantasy Novel and do it up big. Certainly owners like the DoorMatts and Ruffins are in more jeopardy simply due to their tenure in the league. But as the MD has proven in the past, we never let the facts get in the way of a good story. So the Clowns being scared of multi-colored candy and the Danger sleeping with a stuffed sheep could make its way into chapters five and six.

Mr. Shigatosi, I’m ready for my closeup!

Meet Stranger Danger

2011 brought the CFCL a new owner, Scott Strang. Before we meet Scott, first the Monroe Doctrine disclaimer:

Due to scheduling conflicts and time constraints we didn’t bother ourselves with the formality of actually interviewing the new owner. I’m sure what follows will be news to him as well as you

MD: As the newest owner you have some pretty big shoes to fill, taking over the roster of the Copperfields. Feel any pressure?

SS: Can’t say that I do. I don’t know the Copperfields.

MD: The Copperfields were a combination of Thomas Jefferson, for creating the CFCL, and New York Yankees, for dominating the standings.

SS: Gee, thanks for that. NOW I feel the pressure. Actually I feel more pressure trying to compete and surpass the DoorMatts, they are the ones that brought me into the league.

MD: Fair point. Hey did the DoorMatts tell you that you're supposed to submit a Team Profile?

SS: He mentioned it. You guys really are geeks, aren't you?

MD: To the core. You brought along an assistant to the draft, who was he?

SS: Assistant, yeah. He’d hate that title. That was my brother, Bob. I view him as my assistant, but he thinks he’s the Co-President of Stranger Danger.

MD: That leads to the team name. Interesting choice.

SS: I know, I know. Makes everyone think I stalk little kids at schoolyards. Not true. With my last name there’s not a lot of directions you can go. My intent was to point out that I’m a stranger to the league but you’ll be in danger if you overlook the new guy.

MD: I like it. You could have gone down the road of “Perfect Strangers”, especially since your brother is part of the decision making process, at least on Draft Day. Nice little comparison to the TV show about cousins that lived in Chicago. Are you the Balki Bartokomous of the duo?

SS: Well, I don’t have an accent, but I do sleep with a stuffed sheep. His name’s not Dmitri, it’s Fluffy, so I guess there’s enough of a similarity.

MD: We’re going down a road we should get off of. You mentioned that you didn’t want the league to overlook the new guy. You went a long way to make that happen by dominating and spending most of your budget in the first two rounds of the draft.

SS: I had some guys targeted that I felt would represent the Stranger Way. They were brought up early in the draft, so I had to strike.

MD: “Stranger Way”? What’s that?

SS: The Stranger Way is the way I live and what I expect my players to exemplify. The Stranger Way is a weekend getaway at the Hilton in the Executive Suite. The Stranger Way is maintaining legal speed driving in the left lane to pass – only. The Stranger Way is NOT texting while driving. The Stranger Way is killing the DoorMatts! (make me clean the pits, will you?) The Stranger Way is red in Vegas, not black. The Stranger Way is zip-lining through the rain forest, not sitting on a beach. The Stranger Way is top hat and tails on New Year’s Eve. The Stranger Way is calling Mom every week. And the Stranger Way is running out every lazy flyball and easy grounder to short.

MD: Words to live by. Thank you, Scott, it’s been a pleasure.

Straight No Chaser

It’s always fun when two areas of our lives crossover. Say you love beer and your wife comes home and says “Let’s check out the new microbrewery.” Nice. Boss comes in to your office and says “I’ve got two behind homeplate for today’s game. Don’t take a sick day – let’s go!” Better than great.

The world of music and baseball collided in my life. Baseball has always been number one, year round, 24/7. As for music, you may be familiar with The Beatles, The Who, Rolling Stones, Led Zepplin, Jon Bon Jovi, Lady Gaga. Well above all of that are Don, Seggie, Ryan, Walt, Mike, Randy, Dave, Jerome, Charlie and Tyler. No, it’s not the other Jackson kids. Those in the know, know these ten are Straight No Chaser.

For those sadly unaware, Straight No Chaser is an a cappella group formed at Indiana University who became an Internet sensation when their final concert at IU was taped and posted on YouTube. Their rendition of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” went viral (over 13 million views) and the president of Atlantic records saw it, called the guys and said “Let’s make a deal.”

You have no doubt heard a cappella music whether it’s singing in the shower, listening to Rockappella, Huey Lewis and the News, Billy Joel or even the guys standing around the burning trash can in “Rocky”. I’ve heard a cappella. During my formative college years I ran around Chicago with my best friend watching “Four Guys Standing Around Singing” perform. What Straight No Chaser does is in another stratosphere, setting the Platinum Standard for a cappella if not music itself.

The way they cover The Beatles, Coldplay, Michael Jackson and Bel Biv Devoe is beyond standard. Everything they do is “with a twist”. Everything - including how they interact with their fans. During select songs they will bring an audience member up on stage. After every, I MEAN EVERY, show they meet their fans out in the lobby for autographs and pictures, waiting until everyone has been taken care of. They encourage their audience members to videotape their concerts and post them on YouTube. They go out of their way to remember and acknowledge their returning fans. These guys don’t have groupies – we are Chasers.

Certainly music is foremost in their lives, but these guys are well-rounded. Most are college basketball fans. But this is about music and baseball. Seggie’s from Detroit so he’s a Tiger fan and he’s also into fantasy sports. For some reason Walt has decided that the Mets are worth following, but he redeems himself by being an avid fantasy sports fan. Don also is a Mets fan (from Colorado?), but he redeems himself by having the same birthday as me and Mike B. Randy’s from Naperville so I can only hope that he’s a Cub fan.

Before you think this was a manufactured group ala O-Town or an American Idol winner, think again. This group has serious chops. They’ve performed with Manilow. They sold out an entire summer concert series at Harrah’s in Atlantic City last year. They’ve done the National Anthem at Wrigley and Soldier Field. They were the featured group in the nationally televised “Skate From the Heart” starring top professional ice skaters.

If you haven’t indulged yourself, I encourage you to visit their website at www.sncmusic.com and check out more videos. I’ll warn you in advance to allow for plenty of time. Just like Jays potato chips – once you start, you just can’t stop. I will end this article the way they end their shows. For their final song, they go “unplugged” putting away their microphones and just harmonize. This is from a show they did in Kansas City. .

A Privilege Playing With The Ruffins

The first time I met Dave Holian I was a senior in high school sitting in Mr. Curry’s Journalism class at Oak Park – River Forest High School. Dave was the Sports Editor for the award winning school newspaper “The Trapeze” and had come in to consult with Mr. Curry. He looked over at me in my Cub shirt, pointed with a big grin on his face and proclaimed “They’re everywhere!”

Each morning he would grab the Tribune, turn to page 3 and read Royko. He had his walkman on with a Mo-Town mix tape, eyes closed, head swaying in a less exaggerated Stevie Wonder motion saying “Bring it home Diana!”

After the CFCL had been cooking along for two years it was time to bring in a quality owner so we asked Dave to join us. Twenty-six years later he still hasn’t forgiven me for not asking him to join in our inaugural year.

Once the invitation was offered and accepted, Dave quickly became the humor and light of the CFCL. Virtually every clip of previous drafts on YouTube, in Monroe Doctrines and on various CFCL websites is there because something amusing happened. In the middle of that amusement is Dave making a witty observation or being downright hilarious.

But before you think Dave is just a guy with seltzer water, he’s also a man with an amazing vocabulary. One night we were walking to a restaurant in Forest Park and we passed a bar called the Nut Bush. One comment led to another about whether this was a gay bar. Once this question was posed, two guys came walking in the opposite direction holding hands. Dave then pointed out “That was a perfect schematic representation.” Now in retrospect, that description makes sense and is easy to understand. But at the time I’m just a guy walking down the street when all of a sudden “schematic representation” happens.

He uses that knowledge to teach students at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro (actual class he teaches – American Politics where he discusses the size of Thomas Jefferson’s hat and the impact it had on the South’s loss in the Civil War), hence the nickname “The Professor”. That professorial demeanor doesn’t preclude him from exuding boyish excitement like when he created his Ruffin logo by taking a picture of the Temptations (led by singer David Ruffin) and superimposed a baseball bat in such a manner that it looks like the Temps are pointing to the bat. “Look! They’re pointing at the bat!” he was heard to exclaim.

Some unique owners in CFCL history even make it into the Constitution. Look at Article IV and you find The Ruffin Privilege. Every year the Ruffins have thrown out the first player to be bid on. Most of the time he was successful in doing so, but even a Northwestern grad has his Ray Lankford moments (See Youtube.com and search ‘Ray Lankford Incident’).

With the retirement of the Copperfields, Dave is the second longest tenured owner and the last remaining owner named Dave (five total in CFCL history). Dave has done all of this from three different states (Illinois, Indiana and North Carolina). He’s also the only owner, other than the Copperfields, to win three CFCL titles.

It’s been a privilege to have the Ruffins in the CFCL for the past 26 years.

CFCL Draft 2011

Welcome to CFCL 2011, the 28th year in CFCL History (League Slogan: "We're Not Even Halfway There!")

There were some interesting milestones in this year's draft. For the first time in 27 years the Copperfields were not seated at the Draft Table with their Traditional three uber-large three ring binders or computer loaded with 1500gig of player information. But the league did get a bit of a morale boost when the former 11 time champion stopped by to present last year's champion (Ruffins) with their trophy. David also took a league photo of our motley crew that is currently on display at the CFCL Internet Headquarter front page.

Along those same lines, for the first time since 1992, Owner Emeritus Mahlan was not on the Executive Committee ballot. The election provided some excitement as Rich and Mike C. received strong support. Early on in the tallies Bob and Matt B garnered some votes, but out of nowhere, exploding down the stretch Tim joined the Executive Committee going away.

With the league picture being completed and the Executive Committee being elected, it was time for our 26 year tradition to continue with the Ruffin Privilege. I think most owners were anticipating Dave to throw out Joey Votto so we could all watch the Clowns sweat immediately as he tries to build his Cincinnati Red CFCL dynasty.

That's not the way it went down. Zigging when he was expected to zag, the Ruffins nominated Hanley Ramirez for .25 at 1:13pm. Dem Rebels picked up Ramirez at .49 when the Revenge didn't want to make Ramirez the first fifty cent player of the day.

The Revenge started the next stage of entertainment as they nominated Votto and the league got to see a showdown between rivals. It came down to the Clowns and Kenndoza Line slugging it out.

First we take a side trip, the Kenndoza Line couldn't draft in person due to the birth of their second child. [The league was stunned to find out the Line's second son was born TWO WEEKS prior to the draft!!] So somehow he convinced his brother, Jeff, to be the physical presence. Kenn still called the shots via sketchy cell phone communication, but Jeff's voice was the final word in the Draft Room. The owners immediately took a liking to Jeff and even offered that he come back in Kenn's place next year. It may have had something to do with the fact that when everyone was signing the 2011 Copperfield Ball, Jeff was asked to sign for Kenn and Jeff said "Kenn's writes like a little girl."

Back to the bidding. The Clowns and Line spiritedly swung back and forth at each other. "47", "48", "49", "50", "51" almost without hesitation. When the Line said ".52" the Clowns shook their head and said "Pass." And thus the divide between the Clowns and Line became even greater.

By the end of the second round five pitchers had been drafted for .30 or higher. As a point of comparison, the last two drafts combined only produced a grand total of four pitchers over .30. This was a source of great frustration for Rebel Management.

Also by the end of the second round the newest member of the CFCL, Stranger Danger, had made an impact. Usually new owners sit back and get a feel for the lay of the land or are intimidated. Not Scott. After two rounds the Danger had picked up five players spending a total of $1.35 or 80% of their Draft Day budget.

Notable this year was the Home Town Discount players. Last year seven of eleven players had their HTD exercised. This year only three as the bidding was much more interesting. When the bidding took place for Chad Billingsley, the Bulls held Topper Rights. The Danger were the last team standing in the bidding and had the opportunity to raise their final bid in an effort to dissuade the Bulls from using their Topper. Mission accomplished. The Danger jumped from .15 to .25 and the Bulls passed.

The Red Hots held the rights to Prince Fielder so the Bulls, taking a page from the Danger Book, increased their final bid from .34 to .41 in an attempt to pry Fielder away from the Red Hots. Bob would have none of it, using his .03 to grab Fielder at .38.

Dem Rebels followed suit by jumping their final bid from .12 to .14 for Ryan Dempster. The Red Hots passed.

But the goofiest move came during the bidding for Ubaldo Jimenez. The Kenndoza Line held Topper Rights. The bidding finished with the Clowns sitting at .27. While they were deciding what, if any , amount to increase their final bid - the Line announced they would not use their Topper, thus potentially saving the Clowns a few extra pennies. Who knows? It could have been the Line's way of offering an olive branch since they strong armed Votto away from the Clowns.

Red Hots (Fielder), DemRebels (Iannetta) and the Bulls (Montero) successfully exercised their HTD rights.

Second year team Twin Killers were the first team to complete their active roster at 5:42pm when they picked up Ryan Madson.

The Red Hots completed the Draft portion of the day at 6:52 when they bid on Ryan Spilbourghs.

The entire day took seven hours and 13 minutes (only six minutes longer than last year).

Perhaps the most entertaining part of the draft (after Joey Votto pulled on his Kenndoza Line jersey) was offered by the Twin Killers. They successfully got under the skin of nearly the whole league, one by one, in their dogged pursuit of bidding on quality players. They particularly pissed off Dem Rebels consistently with their bidding on Shaun Marcum and Wilton Lopez. It didn't seem to matter to the Killers that the Rebels provided transportation to and from the draft. See if that happens next year.

The general consensus among owners was that this was one of the more enjoyable drafts in recent years. Hopefully the in-season trades that take place will allow that feeling to contine through the whole season.

Trying Out For The Major Leagues

The call came via CareerBuilder.com and the radio. The Cubs had yet another position to fill. Mike Quade, Keith Moreland, Mark Riggins had all accepted their positions and now the Cubs needed someone to introduce them. Requirements? Pretty simple. Be a Cubs fan, answer a few questions and read from a script. Any monkey could do that, right? Well I set off to prove it.

Making the video, took seven takes. My youngest daughter Kristi Grace (named for Christy Mathewson and Mark Grace – did I mention I’m a baseball and Cubs fan?) did a great job but I didn’t realize the stack of papers on the floor was visible. The Lady Rebel filmed the final three attempts getting the cropping just right.

Perhaps the hardest part came next. I had to upload the video on Youtube (first time ever doing that) and submit the on-line application. A minute and thirty seconds worth of video took over thirty minutes to load. Am I doing this right? When I get the job I just need to read stuff, right? I don’t need to use a computer.

Youtube video uploaded successfully (I think) and application sent so it’s sit and wait until Friday to hear if I’m one of the semi-finalists.

Now we enter the Week of Emotional Turmoil.

First day and a half 0 views, did I upload it right? Why isn’t anyone looking at this?

Second day up to 18 views! Someone likes me! Then it goes to 35 views – hey maybe I have a chance and on Opening Day I will be saying “Here are your 2011 Chicago Cubs!” The mind wanders: The announcement is made, the press tour. Talking with Waddle and Silvy, John Williams, maybe a live appearance with Mark Suppelsa on the WGN TV News (boy will Kim be jealous!)

Wednesday it’s still at 35. Aw forget it. This was a pipedream.

Thursday was spent in quiet anticipation fully realizing the odds are stacked against me, but maybe just maybe the call will come tomorrow saying they want to hear more. Wait! What’s that? Views are now at 54? Who the hell wants to watch this? Not exactly the Ray Lankford Incident (274 views) but not bad for a guy sitting at a desk reading off a sheet of paper. I’m pretty sure Kim and the girls didn’t sit through the video 54 times (only nine or ten by their admission). Thursday night head off to bed wondering, will my phone ring? Will the silence be deafening?

And so Friday came and went. Not unlike Bob Hope during the Academy Awards, we celebrated Passover Friday night. No depression (yet) but I’m not chomping at the bit to see who they selected. My daughter Ally came home from school asking if the Cubs had called. I said "no, it looks like they wanted someone else." Her response? "What?! How could they not want you? Oh well, they don't know what they're missing." No, no depression at all. Just extreme pride.

So even though I won’t be sitting way up high behind home plate for Opening Day at Wrigley Field, that’s ok, that means I’ll be at Draft Day where I will attempt to open a can on my fellow owners.