The Bar is So Low You Can Step Over It

This year it was my turn to get my driver’s license renewed.  As I sat there waiting to be processed, I was able to observe some interesting things.  What does getting a driver’s license renewal have to do with sports?  Let’s find out.

I saw what’s great about America; its diversity - people from all walks of life, all ages, all ethnic groups.  Not unlike baseball.  We have age diversity (Bryce Harper, age 19; Jamie Moyer, age 49).  We have Panamanians, Americans, Japanese, Dominican, Cubans and even White Sox.

One thing I couldn’t stand, aside from the waiting time, was that everything was dumbed down to the lowest common denominator.  Can’t understand someone telling you to wait in Line D?  Don’t worry, there’s a HUGE arrow leading you to a HUGE sign that says “D”.  Do we want the lowest common denominator driving a seven thousand pound vehicle?  My oldest daughter has yet to receive a B in school as she enters her sophomore year.  I’m not sure I want her on the roads.  And she’s intelligent.

I saw people bringing their children to the facility so the children could INTERPRET FOR THEIR PARENTS!!!  If you can’t speak the local language, I’m assuming you can’t READ the local language.  If you’re incapable of doing either, how can you drive safely?

In sports, especially children’s sports, everyone has to be included.  We’re not allowed to have just the best of the best or those deserving participate-win-succeed.  Hockey allows more than half their teams into the playoffs.  Basketball has eight teams in each conference get to the playoffs so many times the seventh and eighth seeds haven’t even won more games than they’ve lost.  In Major League Baseball, Bud Dumber has decided that more is more (which actually is less) in baseball by including another wild card team.  Supposed to create excitement or something.  In kid sports everyone receives a trophy nowadays – just for participating.

At the DMV, by allowing for interpreters, by having signs a second grader could follow, we are perpetuating the societal view that everyone should be allowed to do everything.

I have four children and that means that I am an expert on “The Incredibles”.  In the movie, the evil boy-genius has a plan of perfecting his “evil super powers”.  His ultimate goal is to give everyone super powers, because “if everyone is super, then no one is.”  That’s our society in a nutshell.

Everyone has trophies, certificates, driver’s licenses.  And if someone doesn’t, rather than encourage that person to raise his bar for achievement, society looks to lower the bar and find a way to create another category so that a certificate or trophy or license can be handed to that one unfortunate sole.

Look around you.  It’s everywhere.  The Mortgage Loan fiasco, while surely driven by greed and profit, could also be viewed as making sure everyone achieved the American Dream by owning a home way bigger than they need, whether they could afford it (deserved it) or not.

An argument could be made that Baseball’s Hall of Fame is getting to be the same way.  Statistically it still is home to the fewest members of the major sports.  But major leaguers with good careers are making it into the Hall.  But that’s another blog for another day.

California Dreamin'

For those of you loyal Monroe Doctrine subscribers, and this posting is dedicated to one in particular, you may recall that I was amazed we had received hits from all over the WORLD, yes I said WORLD.  (Monroe Doctrine, May 17, 2011 “The World is Warming Up to the Monroe Doctrine)  I couldn’t believe that anyone outside of the league would tap into our little fantasy life and so I figured the furthest interest would be North Carolina, home of the four-time champion Ruffins.

Again, I am amazed at the ability of the internet to make the world smaller.  In the last two months alone we have had hits from (I’m not making this up) Kiev, Kyyiv, Ukraine; Wichita, KS; Eden Prairie, MN; Russian Federation; Pordenone, Friuli-Venezia Giulia, Italy (Hi Dave on sabbatical!); Oakland, CA; Milpitas, CA; Buffalo, NY, San Francisco, CA (Hi Matt on vacation!); and four visits from a friend in Mountain View, CA.  I say a “friend” because Mountain View, CA has long been tapping in to the silliness of our league.  I always wondered what could be so interesting about a fantasy baseball league in the suburbs of Chicago that someone on the other side of the country would keep coming back.  So in true Monroe Doctrine form, we decided to find out.  Also true to form, we didn’t bother ourselves with actually interviewing Mountain View, CA, so what follows will no doubt be news to them as well as to you.

MD:  So who are you exactly?

MV:  If it’s all right with you, I would prefer not to use my name.  For reasons that should be obvious, consistently tapping in to a Fantasy Baseball Newsletter is not something I want my friends and neighbors to know about.  You can call me Mountain View.

MD:  Fair enough.  Let’s start there.  Tell us about Mountain View.

MV: In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m not in Mountain View, California.  That apparently is where my Internet hub is located.  Until I am convinced that the CFCL and Monroe Doctrine is not a shell front for some organized stalking organization, let’s keep working on the assumption that I’m in Mountain View.  With that being said, Mountain View is a beautiful bedroom community at the south end of the San Francisco Bay.  We’re close enough to get to either a Giant or A’s game in a matter of minutes, but far enough way that even in his most steroid-hopped-up-stupor Barry Bonds couldn’t reach us with a homerun.

MD:  What brought you to our humble publication?

MV:  Oh just general Internet searching about baseball related articles.  The Monroe Doctrine was listed in one of the results lists and I was intrigued.

MD:  What has brought you back?

MV:  There’s a certain je ne sais crois.  And let me tell you, most Californians don’t understand that phrase.  Call it whimsy, call it variety, call it Midwestern home spun Americana.  I check in every week or two to see if there’s something new that’s worth reading.  As much as I’ve enjoyed past articles I will say it would be nice if you stepped it up a bit.

MD:  Point taken.  Do you participate in fantasy baseball?

MV:  I do.  I guess I was hoping for some insight on players to acquire, winning strategies, etc.  But considering you haven’t had a winning season since 2002 I may be looking under the wrong streetlight.  On an unrelated topic, does The Professor write a baseball blog?

MD:  Ahem, he has written many politically insightful articles, but to date I believe he was steered clear of baseball.  How long have you been involved in fantasy baseball?

MV:  A couple of years.  I understand one of your owners is commissioner of a league based here in California.  Amazing dedication to fly halfway across the country to draft ballplayers you’ll never meet.

MD:  Agreed.  Not to toot our own horn, but that’s one of the amazing qualities about the CFCL.  We currently have three owners that make it a point to travel in from other states to attend the draft, live and in person.

MV:  That is amazing.  Now more about me.  When I go to games I tend to go to A’s games.  When I attend a Giants game, I’ll cheer for whomever they are playing.

MD:  Why is that?  Are you more American League than National League?

MV:  Not at all.  National League is in my DNA.  I just can’t stand the Giants.  The park is beautiful, but between Baker’s managing, Bonds, Kent and a few others, I just can’t stand the Giants.  I’m more of a Dodgers fan.

MD:  Fascinating.  It’s almost like the teams never left the burroughs of New York.  Any last comments?

MV:  Thanks for the shout out.  Now leave it alone.  I feel like I’m going to see some dork in a CFCL hat peering in my window some evening.  If so, you’ll have to change the name of your league to the Clandestine Following Creeper League.