Monday, July 28, 2008

I Did Not Know That!

A lot has been posted to the Forum and on the response section of the Monroe Doctrine the past week. Hopefully it will all lead to a healthier, happier CFCL. To begin the healing process, the Monroe Doctrine took the time to dig deeply to find little nuggets of information on each owner (don’t ask us where we got it from, we don’t even know ourselves). It might be a good idea for us to take a step back and look at the guys we compete against as people rather than owners.

Dave Holian – As a result from his visit to Italy last year, Dave has opened a storefront in nearby Raleigh where he claims to import expensive Italian wines. The fact that all his students kiss his ring and call him “Don Holian” is merely a coincidence.

Steve Olson – Turns out Steve is hung like a horse which has caused major problems in finding time to run his Stones, cheer for his Brewers and own his bank. All the sweet young things in town keep calling ‘cause they can’t get enough of the Stevester. (Even though the information above is as true as can possibly be – admitted gratuitous attempt to get back on Steve’s good side).

Rich Bentel – Once quite the bodybuilder, Rich’s latest feat is to have his waist be the same measurement as his height. Anyone have Jack Lalane’s phone number?

Matt Bentel – For those of you under the impression that Matt is not technologically advanced, beware. He just finished installing the elevator in the new Chicago Trump Tower. He has rigged the private elevator with a sensor so that whenever The Donald gets on, it will rapidly descend from the penthouse to the lobby at such a speed as to cause Donald’s comb over to stick straight up in the air.

David Mahlan – David has been named Chief Webelo of his son’s scout troop. It’s quite an honor, but you wouldn’t recognize him when he’s in full head gear doing the Sacred Webelo Dance.

Mike Coulter – Mike recently joined the Sun-Times and has done such a wonderful job impressing his editor he has been promoted. He will be replacing Jay Marriotti and has chosen the pen name of Rick Telander.

Tim Mokert – Tim, it turns out, plays fantasy baseball for the sheer competition. The 1st place check means nothing to him as he is the mastermind behind the 7-11 Slurpee. The royalties alone have allowed for his jet set lifestyle and guaranteed a place for his kids at Brown and Harvard.

Nick Hansen – To satisfy his alter ego, mild mannered Nick – computer tekkie by day, has taken to spending his weekends in the great outdoors as a tour guide at Mount Rushmore. The information he can regale you with on Teddy Roosevelt alone is astounding.

Matt Grage – The reason we see Matt on TV so much behind home plate and the Cubs dugout is not because Matt has Stubhub hotlinked in his Favorites place. It’s because he has a deal worked out with the Cubs that in exchange for the tickets, he walks around the park after the game to clean up all the cups and scrape the gum from under the flip up seats.

Kenn Ruby – Kenn has become quite the legend in Cincinnati, not only for his mad writing skills, but late at night he runs around town putting out the street lights as fast as he can, much like his childhood hero – Wee Willie Winkie.

Michael Moore – When not generally managing the Moore Betters, Michael is a closet ballroom dance aficionado. His one dream in life is to win the CFCL title so that Tom Bergeron and Dancing With the Stars come calling to pair him up with Edyta Sliwinska.

Bob Boryca – Bob came back from Vegas without this coveted WSOP bracelet. But he did come back with a genuine replica Celine Dione Does Vegas Bracelet.

CFCL Notes: Steve, Matt G, Mike C. Even though I write this as editor of the Monroe Doctrine, this CFCL Note is coming to you as the owner of Dem Rebels. My second posting on the Forum was never meant to be personal. I mentioned before – it was Rotisserie. It was my view as an owner, commenting on the actions of other owners, not as individual persons and your life outside of the CFCL. Please accept my apology if I made you feel that I was attacking you as a person. I really wasn’t.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

It's Broken, So Let's Fix It

If you’re feeling a little like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, welcome to the club. For the second year in a row the Stones and Kenndoza Line have made a trade that has left many in the league feeling unfulfilled.

I am the first to admit that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. However there have been at least three trades in the last two years that don’t seem so beautiful.

The Bulls received Randy Johnson, Carlos Zambrano, Takashi Saito and Francisco Cordero for a decent hitting thirdbaseman and some future. The Karma Train seems to have bitten the Bulls in the ass with Zambrano going on the DL right after the trade and Saito now out for four to six weeks.

I don’t want to get into a player by player analysis of the Stone/Line trade. I would strongly suggest that you visit David’s blog and read the breakdown by The Professor and then the rebuttal by the Stones. They both make compelling arguments pro and con of the trade.

Here are the two issues I have with the trade. In order to complete the trade and make it legal, The Line had to have five pitchers that are currently on the disabled list on their active roster. They also had to promote a catcher who is still in the minor leagues to their active roster. So that means that a full 25% of their active roster has no chance of earning any statistics for the foreseeable future.

I quote the Constitution: Even with these measures in place, it is still expected that each CFCL owner will consider “the integrity of the league” as well as the good of their own team when considering trades.

Now admittedly the above sentence does not say “An owner shall not consummate a deal if it undermines the integrity”, it says “will consider the integrity of the league when considering trades.” For all we know the Stones and Line did consider the ramifications of what the Line’s roster would look like and then said “the hell with it, let’s do it anyway.”

Last year a lot was written and said about two teams (The Meisters and Splinters) that had many players on their active roster that were either in the minor leagues, on the disabled list or retired. That occurred due to apathy. This year it was deliberate.

Going into Monday night’s games, the Line was 6th in H/S; between the Bulls and Revenge in K/BB; 2 QS behind the Hats; and in WHIP was .04 behind the Ruffins and .02 ahead of the Bulls. Pitching points are being affected by this trade, yet the Line had only 4 active pitchers to compete against the rest of the league.

This says nothing of the fact the offense that traded hands. The Line gave up Pujols, Winn, Matsui and Martin and got in return Matt Kemp. Take a look at where the Line is in every offensive category except OBP (where they are in first by a bunch). They are in the thick of every other category a few RBI, Runs, SBs and TBs away from other contending teams.

For the second year in a row, a wonderful and exciting title race among four teams last year and as many as seven teams this year, has been reduced to who wants to make the effort to finish second?

To be fair, last year Steve made what I said at the time was a completely lopsided deal (he gave up far more than he had to in order to acquire the players he did). Kenn wins the title last year, but due in large part to that trade Steve is in position to win this year. So we have to be careful in how we look at things.

I don’t know what the answer is, because this cannot be looked at in a vacuum. The Line may have given themselves a great step to contending in 2009, just like the Stones did last year in their positioning for this year. However I can’t help but think that having one quarter of your team being inactive on the “active” roster as a result of a trade, can’t possibly be in the best interests of the league.

We need to solve this as a league. Visit the CFCL Forum to lend your voice to the discussion on how this league handles trades. Every opinion counts.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Time For A Break

We slide in to the 2008 All-Star Break with some CFCL Notes, some Non-CFCL Notes and a combination of both.

The Red Hots “win” the Sabathia bidding. Nothing against Bob, but here’s hoping the Brewers sign Sabathia to a nice long contract (at least one that lasts past Opening Day, 2009). I want to see Bob work his magic with 2.05 to spend on 22 players (9.3 cent average).

At the close of games on July11th, BEHOLD! The DoorMatts led the league! He’s there without the help of his best outfielder for more than half the year so far and by trading one of the best starting pitchers in the NL.

At the close of games on July 12th, BEHOLD! The DoorMatts were tied for first with the Stones. Three short weeks ago the Matts were in 6th place, 14 points behind the Stones. This is shaping up to be perhaps the best CFCL season yet.

The Stones have posted a few times on the Live Scoring Board “How am I still in first place?” For a while I wondered the same thing (no offense, Steve). But it all became obvious with the Cubs game on Saturday against the Giants. The Cubs at one point were leading 7-0, but more importantly entered the 9th inning leading 7-2. They led by FIVE RUNS!!!!!! Lou – I have to ask, “Why in the hell is Marmol pitching in the 9th?” Marmol has pitched 51.1 innings in 48 games already this year. Last year he pitched 69.1 innings in 59 games.

Marmol is on pace to pitch in 101 games and 118 innings. Some of the Rebel starters won’t pitch that many innings! If his arm doesn’t fall off, Marmol will end up pitching more than twice as many innings this year as last. And the kicker is WE DIDN’T NEED HIM SATURDAY!!!! We had a five run lead!!! Send in Lieber, send in Marshall, hell send in DeRosa. Lock Marmol in his house and say “we won’t be using you for a while.” Sure he’s been ineffective lately. Could it be he’s worn out?

And here’s where it all made sense for me. EVEN THE STONES HAD THE SENSE TO BENCH MARMOL!!!!! I fully expected to see the Stones drop to third after Marmol’s hellacious outing. But no, they’re still perched in first. Why? Because they used their god-given brains and said HE NEEDS A REST!!!

Tuesday is the All-Star game. Thank heaven because the Rebels, Bulls, Stones and Ruffins need some salary relief. However there are some things wrong with Tuesday’s game. King Bud-dumber has decreed that the game will have importance if it decides who has home field advantage for the World Series. He didn’t change anything else, like having retarded fans vote for the starting line up. Fukodome and Soriano were elected to start, despite not deserving it. Oh wait – this just in. It’s not just the fans fault. Marmol is going to the All-Star game. Marmol is a wonderful young pitcher, but there isn’t much that he has done in the last month and a half that says “All-Star”.

What Bud-dumber out to do is have the teams picked by the managers and a committee of National League veterans and American League Veterans. Say people like Tony Gwynn, Tommy Lasorda and Joe Morgan (hate to increase his ego, but he played when the players cared about winning the game). On the other side you could have Cal Ripken, Frank Robinson and Sparky Anderson. Maybe throw in Peter Gammons to be a voice of reason as well. And don’t make it a requirement that every team be represented in the game. That works if it’s an exhibition, but since this matters, it should be the best 25 players in each league coming to compete. And they may not all play. Some guys may ride the bench the whole game.

Better yet? Don’t change a thing other than taking the home field advantage off the outcome of the game. Give it to the team that finishes with the best record.

On a sad note, Bobby Murcer passed away on Saturday. Bobby became a Cub in a controversial trade that sent Bill Madlock to the San Francisco Giants. My lasting memory of Murcer is going to Wrigley in August of ’77 for my 11th birthday. Murcer hit a solo homerun to right. As an eleven year old fan, I went nuts, as did the whole crowd. The cheers were starting to die down as he rounded third and I decided that he needed a big cheer as he touched home plate. So as his foot hit the dish, I yelled out from the upper deck “Way to go, Bobby!!!” The people seated in the row in front of me looked around trying to figure out why I was so much further behind the rest of the crowd. Little did they know that Bobby needed a special cheer since he hit a homerun for my birthday that was two days away.

Monday, July 7, 2008

The White House Goes Rotisserie

Little has it been known that our forefathers (actually we’ve had 43 “fathers”) of our country were involved in Fantasy Baseball – granted the last eight years have felt less like a father was in charge and more like Uncle Buck came to visit and was asked to babysit. Here are the team names and some team analyses.

George Washington – The Washington Apples (You won’t find a cherry tree within ten miles of the park)
John Adams – The Adams Family (Itt’s really not a bad team)
Thomas Jefferson – The Monticello Dois (Their Declaration of Independence was that all men are created to hit the ball)
James Madison – The Madison Oscars
James Monroe – The Monroe Shocks
John Quincy Adams – The John Q. Publics
Andrew Jackson – The Hickorys (any player using a bat made of ash was traded)
Martin Van Buren – The Boys (they only played with eight fielders, signifying Van Buren’s place in the Presidential legacy)
William Henry Harrison – The One Year Wonders
John Tyler – The Canoes (they tried their best just to stay afloat)
James Polk – The Polka Dots
Zachary Taylor – The Hemmers (they weren’t very good, but they kept their fans in stitches)
Millard Fillmore – The Fillmore Cups With Oil and Go Forths
Franklin Pierce – The Hawkeyes
James Buchanan – The Buchanan BuBalls
Abraham Lincoln – The Lincoln Logs (Put up a lot of runs by swinging the big lumber)
Andrew Johnson – The Impeachments
Ulysses S. Grant – The Grant Fosters (They weren’t much to look at.)
Rutherford B. Hays – The Hard Throes Fury
James Garfield – The Odies
Chester Arthur – The Threat Crushers (great bullpen, always ended rallies)
Grover Cleveland – The Ohio Muppets
Benjamin Harrison – The Little Bens
William McKinley – The Mounts
Theodore Roosevelt – The Rough Riders (and you were always taught in school it had something to do with San Juan Hill)
William Taft – The Tafty-pulls
Woodrow Wilson – The Neighbors (the hats always hide their face, but it’s a cerebral team always out thinking their opponent)
Warren G. Harding – The Harding Hearings
Calvin Coolidge – The Hobbes
Herbert Hoover – The Vaccuums
Franklin Roosevelt – The Roosevelt Gardens
Harry Truman – The Capotes
Dwight Eisenhower – The Ike ‘n Tinas
John Kennedy – The Construction Zones (Always clogging up the basepaths)
Lyndon Johnson – The Ladybirds
Richard Nixon – The Nixon Noras
Gerald Ford – The Edsels (John Vuckovich is the manager, never hired for the job but appointed to manage after his predecessor was fired, pardon me, resigned)
Jimmy Carter – The Peanut Shells
Ronald Reagan – The Reaganomics (the players think they’re making a lot of money)
George Bush – The Bush in the Hands (no wait, he got that name mixed up – kind of like “no new taxes”)
Bill Clinton – The Whitewater Rafters (at least they didn’t pick the name “The Blue Dresses”)
George W. Bush – The Linguistics (No need to flash signs from the third base coach – no one can understand what the hell he’s saying)

CFCL Notes:

I had a little blurb on how a lot of trade talk was happening with no results. Before we went to press the Copperfields turned over 25% of their entire roster and the Rebels and Ruffins slugged it out to see who could acquire more offense. With the Ruffins only six points out of first and the Rebels thirteen points out, it looks like the Ruffins have a smaller hill to climb.

We wish Eric and Sandy Lamb the best of everything as they head down to Memphis. Hopefully we’ll still see Eric on Draft Day.

The Graging Bulls currently have 10 players on the DL. Must suck having all those guys on the DL and still be able to lap the field only twice offensively.

Non CFCL Notes:

There was a rain delay for the ESPN Radio Baseball Game of the Week on Saturday, so they rebroadcast Game 7 between the Red Sox and Yankees from 2003. I had almost forgotten that in 2003 two teams came within five outs of getting to the World Series yet failed. The Red Sox were that close as well. I guess winning the whole thing the next year (and again in 2007) erased a lot of memories. Although Grady Little is still considered an idiot in Boston, most of America has probably forgotten that the Red Sox came that close and missed. Seems like no one forgets the Cubs came that close. Five outs . . . it still hurts to think about it.