A lot has been posted to the Forum and on the response section of the Monroe Doctrine the past week. Hopefully it will all lead to a healthier, happier CFCL. To begin the healing process, the Monroe Doctrine took the time to dig deeply to find little nuggets of information on each owner (don’t ask us where we got it from, we don’t even know ourselves). It might be a good idea for us to take a step back and look at the guys we compete against as people rather than owners.
Dave Holian – As a result from his visit to Italy last year, Dave has opened a storefront in nearby Raleigh where he claims to import expensive Italian wines. The fact that all his students kiss his ring and call him “Don Holian” is merely a coincidence.
Steve Olson – Turns out Steve is hung like a horse which has caused major problems in finding time to run his Stones, cheer for his Brewers and own his bank. All the sweet young things in town keep calling ‘cause they can’t get enough of the Stevester. (Even though the information above is as true as can possibly be – admitted gratuitous attempt to get back on Steve’s good side).
Rich Bentel – Once quite the bodybuilder, Rich’s latest feat is to have his waist be the same measurement as his height. Anyone have Jack Lalane’s phone number?
Matt Bentel – For those of you under the impression that Matt is not technologically advanced, beware. He just finished installing the elevator in the new Chicago Trump Tower. He has rigged the private elevator with a sensor so that whenever The Donald gets on, it will rapidly descend from the penthouse to the lobby at such a speed as to cause Donald’s comb over to stick straight up in the air.
David Mahlan – David has been named Chief Webelo of his son’s scout troop. It’s quite an honor, but you wouldn’t recognize him when he’s in full head gear doing the Sacred Webelo Dance.
Mike Coulter – Mike recently joined the Sun-Times and has done such a wonderful job impressing his editor he has been promoted. He will be replacing Jay Marriotti and has chosen the pen name of Rick Telander.
Tim Mokert – Tim, it turns out, plays fantasy baseball for the sheer competition. The 1st place check means nothing to him as he is the mastermind behind the 7-11 Slurpee. The royalties alone have allowed for his jet set lifestyle and guaranteed a place for his kids at Brown and Harvard.
Nick Hansen – To satisfy his alter ego, mild mannered Nick – computer tekkie by day, has taken to spending his weekends in the great outdoors as a tour guide at Mount Rushmore. The information he can regale you with on Teddy Roosevelt alone is astounding.
Matt Grage – The reason we see Matt on TV so much behind home plate and the Cubs dugout is not because Matt has Stubhub hotlinked in his Favorites place. It’s because he has a deal worked out with the Cubs that in exchange for the tickets, he walks around the park after the game to clean up all the cups and scrape the gum from under the flip up seats.
Kenn Ruby – Kenn has become quite the legend in Cincinnati, not only for his mad writing skills, but late at night he runs around town putting out the street lights as fast as he can, much like his childhood hero – Wee Willie Winkie.
Michael Moore – When not generally managing the Moore Betters, Michael is a closet ballroom dance aficionado. His one dream in life is to win the CFCL title so that Tom Bergeron and Dancing With the Stars come calling to pair him up with Edyta Sliwinska.
Bob Boryca – Bob came back from Vegas without this coveted WSOP bracelet. But he did come back with a genuine replica Celine Dione Does Vegas Bracelet.
CFCL Notes: Steve, Matt G, Mike C. Even though I write this as editor of the Monroe Doctrine, this CFCL Note is coming to you as the owner of Dem Rebels. My second posting on the Forum was never meant to be personal. I mentioned before – it was Rotisserie. It was my view as an owner, commenting on the actions of other owners, not as individual persons and your life outside of the CFCL. Please accept my apology if I made you feel that I was attacking you as a person. I really wasn’t.
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2 comments:
No are apologies necessary. And, I am not hung like a horse but I appreciate the effort! I was going to say I like where your head is at, but I never want your head anywhere near my crotch!
I am working on an apprpriate response but until I actually post it, I was not as angry as it may have seemed. Frsutrated and disappointted yes, angry, not as much. However after the dust settling a little and reading other posts I think it is time to try again in the epic quest of locating some common ground.
And all this with the profound inability to spell!
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