It’s time to re-meet Nick Hansen, Owner of the Eukenott Beatniks and former owner of Nicks Picts. Here’s the Monroe Doctrine legal disclosure:
Due to scheduling conflicts and time constraints we didn’t bother ourselves with the formality of actually interviewing the new owner. I’m sure what follows will be news to him as well as you.
MD: Welcome back, Nick! It’s been too long. So, to start off, what’s with the team name?
EB: Well Eukenott is a little eatery that is home to the best Italian Beef you’ll ever have. It’s name lends itself so well and Beatnik is really my alter ego. I may be fluent in English and Computer-eze, I’ve thrived on the “just off the beaten path” and besides – I look really good in turtlenecks.
MD: OK, that begs the question. If you’re so good at writing computer programs, why didn’t you ever write an equation that allowed the Picts to come in first?
EB: While I fancy myself quite the programmer (I’ve won awards!), there are certain limits to even my genius. I have to be given quality to start with, and well, that hasn’t happened so far.
MD: Can you describe your rivalry with Dem Rebels?
EB: I’ll say this - that last Q&A goes a long way to explain why there’s such a rift between us.
MD: Try not to break the fourth wall, Nick.
EB: Whatever. I’m allergic to flannel and moonshine. He never seemed to appreciate the finer qualities of tartan. We’ll see how he feels about turtlenecks, berets and rectangle sunglasses while we’re scoring on him more than the Kardashian sisters.
MD: You were gone for two years. Why?
EB: Well, I moved to Nebraska initially and found that there is so much to do, nightlife, nature, creative energy outlets; that I couldn’t focus on baseball. That and the fact that, interestingly, there is no Internet in Nebraska. So during the season I had to conduct my league business via carrier pigeon which just got messy.
MD: Is it true that Commissioner Bentel serenaded you with a Christmas song to lure you back to the CFCL?
EB: Carol of the (Base)Balls would have been nice, but Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer did its job. Yeah, he’s been begging me to come back for a while. It got embarrassing. So I finally relented and decided to look forward to the six and half hour drive back to Chicagoland next spring.
MD: So where officially are the Beatnik corporate offices?
EB: We’re located in Sioux City, Iowa (“Iowa! Gateway to Nebraska!”) hard along the banks of the Missouri River. One mild F-1 Tornado, and believe you me we get plenty of those ripping through town, and we’re in Nebraska. Matter of fact, Tornado Season correlates very closely to our fourteen game homestand this summer. We bring a whole new meaning to the term “wind-aided homerun”.
MD: Recently you e-mailed a picture of David Hasselhoff and some puppies. Care to explain?
EB: Well I could say that my wife (the loving and oh so understanding Elizabeth) high-jacked my computer while I got up to get some hot green tea and a biscotti, but there’s a chance she’ll read this, so I have to tell the truth. While it has nothing to do with the Beatniks, I do own every album Mr. Hasselhoff has recorded. He’s an unappreciated and misunderstood musical genius. The people over in Germany have it figured out.
MD: You do understand that your name, The Beatniks, lends itself to derision by calling you The Beat-Nicks? Every team that finishes above you in the standings could call you that.
EB: I’ve thought about that. But let’s be honest, on average only eight or nine teams will be saying that each year. I’m not worried.
MD: There’s nothing else to say. Thank you Nick. Welcome back! You were sorely missed.
Showing posts with label Owner Profile. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Owner Profile. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Meet Stranger Danger
2011 brought the CFCL a new owner, Scott Strang. Before we meet Scott, first the Monroe Doctrine disclaimer:
Due to scheduling conflicts and time constraints we didn’t bother ourselves with the formality of actually interviewing the new owner. I’m sure what follows will be news to him as well as you
MD: As the newest owner you have some pretty big shoes to fill, taking over the roster of the Copperfields. Feel any pressure?
SS: Can’t say that I do. I don’t know the Copperfields.
MD: The Copperfields were a combination of Thomas Jefferson, for creating the CFCL, and New York Yankees, for dominating the standings.
SS: Gee, thanks for that. NOW I feel the pressure. Actually I feel more pressure trying to compete and surpass the DoorMatts, they are the ones that brought me into the league.
MD: Fair point. Hey did the DoorMatts tell you that you're supposed to submit a Team Profile?
SS: He mentioned it. You guys really are geeks, aren't you?
MD: To the core. You brought along an assistant to the draft, who was he?
SS: Assistant, yeah. He’d hate that title. That was my brother, Bob. I view him as my assistant, but he thinks he’s the Co-President of Stranger Danger.
MD: That leads to the team name. Interesting choice.
SS: I know, I know. Makes everyone think I stalk little kids at schoolyards. Not true. With my last name there’s not a lot of directions you can go. My intent was to point out that I’m a stranger to the league but you’ll be in danger if you overlook the new guy.
MD: I like it. You could have gone down the road of “Perfect Strangers”, especially since your brother is part of the decision making process, at least on Draft Day. Nice little comparison to the TV show about cousins that lived in Chicago. Are you the Balki Bartokomous of the duo?
SS: Well, I don’t have an accent, but I do sleep with a stuffed sheep. His name’s not Dmitri, it’s Fluffy, so I guess there’s enough of a similarity.
MD: We’re going down a road we should get off of. You mentioned that you didn’t want the league to overlook the new guy. You went a long way to make that happen by dominating and spending most of your budget in the first two rounds of the draft.
SS: I had some guys targeted that I felt would represent the Stranger Way. They were brought up early in the draft, so I had to strike.
MD: “Stranger Way”? What’s that?
SS: The Stranger Way is the way I live and what I expect my players to exemplify. The Stranger Way is a weekend getaway at the Hilton in the Executive Suite. The Stranger Way is maintaining legal speed driving in the left lane to pass – only. The Stranger Way is NOT texting while driving. The Stranger Way is killing the DoorMatts! (make me clean the pits, will you?) The Stranger Way is red in Vegas, not black. The Stranger Way is zip-lining through the rain forest, not sitting on a beach. The Stranger Way is top hat and tails on New Year’s Eve. The Stranger Way is calling Mom every week. And the Stranger Way is running out every lazy flyball and easy grounder to short.
MD: Words to live by. Thank you, Scott, it’s been a pleasure.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Meet the Twin Killers
2010 found a new team in the CFCL. We here at the Monroe Doctrine always like to introduce the new owners, but first our disclaimer:
Due to scheduling conflicts and time constraints we didn’t bother ourselves with the formality of actually interviewing the new owners. I’m sure what follows will be news to them as well as you.
MD: Welcome gentlemen. It’s a pleasure having you here. Let’s start at the beginning. What’s with the name? Are you guys referring to being twins that are Lady Killers?
Mike: No, dude, we’re way more creative than that. There are so many levels here. The Twins are a baseball team. We’re twins. A twin-killing is a double play in baseball.
MD: So Mike, you’re in charge, right? Main owner since you were at the draft, Matt is just a support person?
Matt: Now hold on. We decided to approach this as a team, but since we both couldn’t be at the draft we decided that the one without a girlfriend would have more time to sit in a room all day with a bunch of dudes. The ladies are warm for my form, so I’m not at the draft.
Mike: You’re just jealous that Dad always liked me better and wanted me at the draft with him. If you were at the draft we would have ended up with Esmalian Caridad in our bullpen.
MD: Uh, Mike, you do have Cardidad in your bullpen. . . at .15.
Mike: You know what I mean!! Next question.
MD: If we have this right, Mike you’re the Sox fan and Matt you’re the Cubs fan?
Mike: I prefer to think of it as I’m Enlightened and he’s a Neanderthal.
MD: How about the rest of your family?
Mike: My Dad is a Cubs fan, through and through. Not sure why. Our sister Lauren says she’s a Cubs fan but she just wants to borrow Dad’s car every weekend. My mom loves me for who I am and because I eat all my veggies.
MD: At the draft, during breaks many owners will call their support person to reaffirm strategy and give updates. Did you have to do that, or since you’re twins do you have that ESP thing working?
Matt: That’s a bunch of hocus pocus. There’s no twin ESP. I have no idea what’s rolling around that extra large cranium of his, aside from the fact that he wants to own every player that used to play for the White Sox.
Mike: All I’m going to say is “2005”, Mr. 1908.
Matt: Can we not do that here? We’re being interviewed by a national publication. Show some class, peanut head.
MD: You’re a month into the season, how are things going?
Matt: We’re in tenth place, that says it all. But at least the DoorMatts are rockin’ it.
Mike: Now who needs to borrow Dad’s car, suck up.
Matt: I’ve got my ladies to drive me around, I don’t need Dad’s car.
MD: Most teams in the MLB, NFL, etc. start with new ownership/management and say they have a Five Year Plan. What’s the vision for the Twin Killers?
Mike: Obviously we want to win the championship RIGHT NOW! But we understand that we are 27 years behind the curve starting out. So our initial plan each year is to finish ahead of Dem Rebels.
MD: So you’re joining the Clowns and the now defunct Picts in targeting Dem Rebels?
Matt: It’s not personal. Well, it is, but not for baseball reasons. We just want to be the best team owned by guys born on August 8th.
MD: Interesting. Say, what did you do to celebrate the Cubs first night game on 8/8/88?
Mike: How old do you think we are? We’re not ancient! We weren’t even born when lights went on at Wrigley.
MD: Alright young men, let’s move to your future. What are your career aspirations?
Mike: Career aspirations? We’re focused on running the best CFCL team ever! We’re off to a slow start, but this is a marathon, not a sprint. My career is GM. Don’t print that though, Mom and Dad are spending a boatload of money sending me to college. They think I’m going to be an engineer.
MD: No problem, this is off the record.
Matt: Co-GM brother. That’s where my head is at. That and being the biggest fan of the World Champion Chicago Cubs, baby!
Mike: Man, you talk about a marathon. Good luck with that.
MD: In closing, is there anything else you would like to share with your fellow owners?
Mike: You mean like Matt sucked his thumb until high school? Or is that too personal? All these “ladies” he talks about? They don’t arrive at our house in their cars; they show up wrapped in unmarked, plain brown boxes if you get my drift.
Matt: Really? Maybe the CFCL would like to know about your obsession with Dora the Explorer. Every morning before class this knucklehead yells at the TV “Dora, you’re magnifico!” That and he still makes our mom blow kisses on his Lucky Charms when she pours them into his Calvin & Hobbes breakfast bowl.
MD: Thank you, gentlemen. This has really been a pleasure.
Due to scheduling conflicts and time constraints we didn’t bother ourselves with the formality of actually interviewing the new owners. I’m sure what follows will be news to them as well as you.
MD: Welcome gentlemen. It’s a pleasure having you here. Let’s start at the beginning. What’s with the name? Are you guys referring to being twins that are Lady Killers?
Mike: No, dude, we’re way more creative than that. There are so many levels here. The Twins are a baseball team. We’re twins. A twin-killing is a double play in baseball.
MD: So Mike, you’re in charge, right? Main owner since you were at the draft, Matt is just a support person?
Matt: Now hold on. We decided to approach this as a team, but since we both couldn’t be at the draft we decided that the one without a girlfriend would have more time to sit in a room all day with a bunch of dudes. The ladies are warm for my form, so I’m not at the draft.
Mike: You’re just jealous that Dad always liked me better and wanted me at the draft with him. If you were at the draft we would have ended up with Esmalian Caridad in our bullpen.
MD: Uh, Mike, you do have Cardidad in your bullpen. . . at .15.
Mike: You know what I mean!! Next question.
MD: If we have this right, Mike you’re the Sox fan and Matt you’re the Cubs fan?
Mike: I prefer to think of it as I’m Enlightened and he’s a Neanderthal.
MD: How about the rest of your family?
Mike: My Dad is a Cubs fan, through and through. Not sure why. Our sister Lauren says she’s a Cubs fan but she just wants to borrow Dad’s car every weekend. My mom loves me for who I am and because I eat all my veggies.
MD: At the draft, during breaks many owners will call their support person to reaffirm strategy and give updates. Did you have to do that, or since you’re twins do you have that ESP thing working?
Matt: That’s a bunch of hocus pocus. There’s no twin ESP. I have no idea what’s rolling around that extra large cranium of his, aside from the fact that he wants to own every player that used to play for the White Sox.
Mike: All I’m going to say is “2005”, Mr. 1908.
Matt: Can we not do that here? We’re being interviewed by a national publication. Show some class, peanut head.
MD: You’re a month into the season, how are things going?
Matt: We’re in tenth place, that says it all. But at least the DoorMatts are rockin’ it.
Mike: Now who needs to borrow Dad’s car, suck up.
Matt: I’ve got my ladies to drive me around, I don’t need Dad’s car.
MD: Most teams in the MLB, NFL, etc. start with new ownership/management and say they have a Five Year Plan. What’s the vision for the Twin Killers?
Mike: Obviously we want to win the championship RIGHT NOW! But we understand that we are 27 years behind the curve starting out. So our initial plan each year is to finish ahead of Dem Rebels.
MD: So you’re joining the Clowns and the now defunct Picts in targeting Dem Rebels?
Matt: It’s not personal. Well, it is, but not for baseball reasons. We just want to be the best team owned by guys born on August 8th.
MD: Interesting. Say, what did you do to celebrate the Cubs first night game on 8/8/88?
Mike: How old do you think we are? We’re not ancient! We weren’t even born when lights went on at Wrigley.
MD: Alright young men, let’s move to your future. What are your career aspirations?
Mike: Career aspirations? We’re focused on running the best CFCL team ever! We’re off to a slow start, but this is a marathon, not a sprint. My career is GM. Don’t print that though, Mom and Dad are spending a boatload of money sending me to college. They think I’m going to be an engineer.
MD: No problem, this is off the record.
Matt: Co-GM brother. That’s where my head is at. That and being the biggest fan of the World Champion Chicago Cubs, baby!
Mike: Man, you talk about a marathon. Good luck with that.
MD: In closing, is there anything else you would like to share with your fellow owners?
Mike: You mean like Matt sucked his thumb until high school? Or is that too personal? All these “ladies” he talks about? They don’t arrive at our house in their cars; they show up wrapped in unmarked, plain brown boxes if you get my drift.
Matt: Really? Maybe the CFCL would like to know about your obsession with Dora the Explorer. Every morning before class this knucklehead yells at the TV “Dora, you’re magnifico!” That and he still makes our mom blow kisses on his Lucky Charms when she pours them into his Calvin & Hobbes breakfast bowl.
MD: Thank you, gentlemen. This has really been a pleasure.
Monday, April 21, 2008
The Trilogy is Complete - Heeeere's Tim!
We embark on the final leg of our trilogy as we meet Tim Mokert. He is the last owner profiled, but certainly not the least as he is a favorite of one long-time owner.
“I, Richard Bentel – owner and mismanager of Dem Rebels, do hereby solemnly swear to honor, cherish and adore the membership of Tim Mokert, until death do us part. . . . Or until he doublecrosses me at next year’s draft.”
“I had no idea just how popular a guy could be by bidding two cents on Barry Zito. Had I known this in high school I would have been going up to all the hotties, bidding .02 on every ballplayer I could think of.”
Tim’s story begins in the Bay area (San Francisco, not Green) where he started his adult life running a Microbrewery. “Everyone else is growing grapes for the Wine Set. Me? I want to serve the common man with discerning taste.”
An errant conversation from a group of Silicon Valley big shots sent his life into a new direction. “I stopped by their table to see if they enjoyed my latest brew. As I was approaching, one guy was complaining of the production of Rick Reuschel. Another guy was harping at the slump of Bobby Bonilla. I heard them say ‘For what we paid for them, we should be getting more in return.’ I thought I was hearing the owners of the Giants and Mets talking. Turns out they belonged to a fantasy league. After some quick thinking, I joined the league on the promise that I would provide free beer to all league functions.”
The rest is history. Tim made quite a mark on this Bay area league, becoming the Commissioner and staying a part of it, even after he moved back to Chicago. Once back in Chicago, he ditched the microbrewery business and looked to make a splash in corn dogs. “Rolling Meadows is the perfect location to build the corn dog empire. It’s near O’Hare to catch all the tourists, and right off the main expressways to nab all the construction workers.”
He was also looking for a local league to dominate and saw the posting for the opening in the CFCL at the Fantasy Baseball Café website.
“My team name came pretty easy to me,” says Mokert. “Sometimes when we’re coming up with new recipes for the corn dogs, they don’t always turn out the way we would like. Then production stops for a few days while we deal with the residual issues.”
As the saying goes, “When one gastro-intestinal owner’s door closes, another one opens.”
Fortunately at the draft, there were no “corn dog issues”. Mokert made a splash right away, acquiring the eighth player of the draft, Jake Peavy, for .42. “I was looking for a California guy to start off my day and he was the first one brought up. That’s also probably why I went to .02 on Zito. I didn’t have any Giants on my team yet. I sure wasn’t trying to become best friends with Bentel. The guy won’t leave me alone. The e-mails, flowers, gift baskets. Dude, aren’t you married?”
Little does Tim know those are diversionary tactics to knock him from his current Second Place Loft. They are NOT, according to a source within the Rebel Flannel Factory, affectionate tokens of appreciation – as far as you know.
“I, Richard Bentel – owner and mismanager of Dem Rebels, do hereby solemnly swear to honor, cherish and adore the membership of Tim Mokert, until death do us part. . . . Or until he doublecrosses me at next year’s draft.”
“I had no idea just how popular a guy could be by bidding two cents on Barry Zito. Had I known this in high school I would have been going up to all the hotties, bidding .02 on every ballplayer I could think of.”
Tim’s story begins in the Bay area (San Francisco, not Green) where he started his adult life running a Microbrewery. “Everyone else is growing grapes for the Wine Set. Me? I want to serve the common man with discerning taste.”
An errant conversation from a group of Silicon Valley big shots sent his life into a new direction. “I stopped by their table to see if they enjoyed my latest brew. As I was approaching, one guy was complaining of the production of Rick Reuschel. Another guy was harping at the slump of Bobby Bonilla. I heard them say ‘For what we paid for them, we should be getting more in return.’ I thought I was hearing the owners of the Giants and Mets talking. Turns out they belonged to a fantasy league. After some quick thinking, I joined the league on the promise that I would provide free beer to all league functions.”
The rest is history. Tim made quite a mark on this Bay area league, becoming the Commissioner and staying a part of it, even after he moved back to Chicago. Once back in Chicago, he ditched the microbrewery business and looked to make a splash in corn dogs. “Rolling Meadows is the perfect location to build the corn dog empire. It’s near O’Hare to catch all the tourists, and right off the main expressways to nab all the construction workers.”
He was also looking for a local league to dominate and saw the posting for the opening in the CFCL at the Fantasy Baseball Café website.
“My team name came pretty easy to me,” says Mokert. “Sometimes when we’re coming up with new recipes for the corn dogs, they don’t always turn out the way we would like. Then production stops for a few days while we deal with the residual issues.”
As the saying goes, “When one gastro-intestinal owner’s door closes, another one opens.”
Fortunately at the draft, there were no “corn dog issues”. Mokert made a splash right away, acquiring the eighth player of the draft, Jake Peavy, for .42. “I was looking for a California guy to start off my day and he was the first one brought up. That’s also probably why I went to .02 on Zito. I didn’t have any Giants on my team yet. I sure wasn’t trying to become best friends with Bentel. The guy won’t leave me alone. The e-mails, flowers, gift baskets. Dude, aren’t you married?”
Little does Tim know those are diversionary tactics to knock him from his current Second Place Loft. They are NOT, according to a source within the Rebel Flannel Factory, affectionate tokens of appreciation – as far as you know.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
One Moore Owner To Meet
In our continuing stooorrry about the three new additions to the CFCL we turn our attention to Michael Moore. Admittedly the CFCL was a bit nervous having a famous film director join their round table. Oh sure, the CFCL is not new to, nor intimidated by, the film industry. Having been featured in Trading the Gator, the red lights and red carpet are part of their makeup. Additionally let’s not forget the horrible mistake of a film the Bulls made at home in their youth (visit YouTube.com and search on “Bulls Getting Jiggy With It”). Being around a camera is second nature to the CFCL.
Imagine the surprise when, on March 30th, a dumpy, hairy, bespectacled man did not enter the Draft War Room, but a clean cut, slim, young banker did. This is Michael Moore? This is Michael Moore.
Currently residing in Rogers Park on the North Side, the Moore story starts earlier. Growing up in rural Wichita, Kansas young Michael was sitting at the dinner table one evening, having just shucked his twentieth silo of corn. He heard his sister proclaim: “Momma, these cornbread muffins are more better than them flapjacks you made this morning!” Young Michael’s life was changed forever. “If I ever move to Chicago and join an elite fantasy baseball league, I’m going to call my team More Better. No wait!!!! Moore Better! I could work my name into it! How cool! Hmm. I should go into marketing.” And a dream was born.
A few years later after Michael finished high school and college in the back of the warehouse of Brooks Agricultural in Salina, Kansas, he loaded up his car to head to Chicago. His father, hugging him good-bye, slipped a few extra dollars into the pocket of Michael’s waistcoat and wished his son “God speed.” After a few months of hitting the streets of downtown Chicago trying to show off his Marketing Wizardry, Michael was down to his last few dollars and desperate.
A stranger eating a bratwurst approached. Engaging Michael in conversation our Caped Crusader heard Michael pine, “All I want is to join a Fantasy Baseball League, forget about marketing and get into banking.”
“I think I can help you on both fronts,” said our hero as he adjusted his Brewer boxer shorts and straightened his Bernie The Brewer headpiece. “You see I am recent champion of a prestigious Fantasy League. And I also happen to own a bank. Why don’t you have dinner with me and we will figure things out.”
And so a few months later Michael joins the CFCL and becomes the youngest current owner. Being the youngest owner could be a problem for most, but not the determined Michael. “It’s really more of an advantage because by the fifth round of the draft, most of my older compatriots are looking to take a nap and I’m just getting started.”
That strategy will need some work. This year in the 5th round Moore Better snagged So Taguchi for .02 and in the 6th round they picked up Jack Wilson for .15. “I’m not worried,” says Moore. “Now I’ve got everyone’s phone number. Around midnight next year I’m going to start calling the other owners so they don’t get a good night’s sleep. 2009 will be my year to shine.”
Imagine the surprise when, on March 30th, a dumpy, hairy, bespectacled man did not enter the Draft War Room, but a clean cut, slim, young banker did. This is Michael Moore? This is Michael Moore.
Currently residing in Rogers Park on the North Side, the Moore story starts earlier. Growing up in rural Wichita, Kansas young Michael was sitting at the dinner table one evening, having just shucked his twentieth silo of corn. He heard his sister proclaim: “Momma, these cornbread muffins are more better than them flapjacks you made this morning!” Young Michael’s life was changed forever. “If I ever move to Chicago and join an elite fantasy baseball league, I’m going to call my team More Better. No wait!!!! Moore Better! I could work my name into it! How cool! Hmm. I should go into marketing.” And a dream was born.
A few years later after Michael finished high school and college in the back of the warehouse of Brooks Agricultural in Salina, Kansas, he loaded up his car to head to Chicago. His father, hugging him good-bye, slipped a few extra dollars into the pocket of Michael’s waistcoat and wished his son “God speed.” After a few months of hitting the streets of downtown Chicago trying to show off his Marketing Wizardry, Michael was down to his last few dollars and desperate.
A stranger eating a bratwurst approached. Engaging Michael in conversation our Caped Crusader heard Michael pine, “All I want is to join a Fantasy Baseball League, forget about marketing and get into banking.”
“I think I can help you on both fronts,” said our hero as he adjusted his Brewer boxer shorts and straightened his Bernie The Brewer headpiece. “You see I am recent champion of a prestigious Fantasy League. And I also happen to own a bank. Why don’t you have dinner with me and we will figure things out.”
And so a few months later Michael joins the CFCL and becomes the youngest current owner. Being the youngest owner could be a problem for most, but not the determined Michael. “It’s really more of an advantage because by the fifth round of the draft, most of my older compatriots are looking to take a nap and I’m just getting started.”
That strategy will need some work. This year in the 5th round Moore Better snagged So Taguchi for .02 and in the 6th round they picked up Jack Wilson for .15. “I’m not worried,” says Moore. “Now I’ve got everyone’s phone number. Around midnight next year I’m going to start calling the other owners so they don’t get a good night’s sleep. 2009 will be my year to shine.”
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Meet the Candy Colored Clowns
Since our time is always limited at the Draft for socializing and connecting with our fellow owners, the Monroe Doctrine has stepped up to the plate to bring you in-depth information about our three new owners. Over the next three weeks, you will be meeting your new owners again, for the first time. Due to scheduling conflicts and time constraints we didn’t bother ourselves with the formality of actually interviewing the new owners. I’m sure what follows will be news to them as well as you.
Monroe Doctrine (MD): It’s a pleasure to have you in the CFCL.
Candy Colored Clowns (CCC): Thanks. I’ve been looking for a local league that is as dedicated as the CFCL appears to be.
MD: Did you know that you look like Mr. Mitchell, Dennis the Menace’s father? Or Calvin’s father from Calvin and Hobbes? Especially when your glasses get dark due to the light.
CCC: Interesting. My wife has told me I’m quite dashing, but I’ve never been compared to a comic strip character – let along two. Next year I’ll bring a pipe to complete the image.
MD: Where does the name Candy Colored Clowns derive from?
CCC: It’s me facing my childhood fears. Clowns scared the hell out of me and candy with various colors freaked me out. Give me a Snickers, Milky Way or Hershey’s Bar any day of the week. But jelly beans, Skittles, M&M’s and Chuckles give me the willies. Think of it like the dude from The Natural. The owner of the New York Knights had a fear of the dark, so as an adult he kept his office in the dark that he might prove he had conquered his fears.
MD: In your “application” to the CFCL you mentioned that the Cincinnati Reds are your favorite team. Do you see any future drafting problems with other owners trying to make you pay extra for your home town heroes?
CCC: Not at all for two reasons. First of all this is the “Cubs Fan Club League” so methinks there are plenty of Cub rooters that are facing the same dilemma. Secondly, I saw the abuse heaped on the Stones and their Brewer love so I think I’ll be able to fly under the radar for a few years.
MD: You certainly did make a big statement when you pointed out that .23 wouldn’t be enough to buy Corey Patterson.
CCC: Yeah, that’s true. I was just telling them the price of playing poker. It’s not like I overdid it by drafting sixteen Brewers for my reserve list. I mean, c’mon Steve, at least try to disguise your passion a little!
MD: How did you find the CFCL?
CCC: I turned right off of Meyers, into the parking lot. But seriously, I received an e-mail from Kenn Ruby asking if I would be interested in joining. Kenn and I go way back. We were in the same STATS Fantasy League and I kicked Kenn around like he was a worn out soccer ball. Then we bowled together, just because I wanted him to think he could beat me at something. I’m not so sure about him anymore, though. What’s with Mr. Corn Cob?
MD: We’re not quite sure either. But the dude did win it all last year so you have to give him his props.
CCC: I will, begrudgingly.
MD: During the draft, the Rebels implored you to blink in the bidding on Derrek Lee. Ultimately you passed at .41. Had the Rebels worn their Authentic Derrek Lee jersey, would you have bid higher?
CCC: Oh man, I would have made him pay more than Chase Utley. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have blinked. I felt like the Stones were most likely going to drop (which they did), but I should have pushed the Rebels around with my pocketbook like I was Paris Hilton on a weekend spree. Oh well, live and learn.
MD: Mike, thanks for your time. Welcome to the CFCL!
CCC: My pleasure. If you’re ever in Orland Hills . . . keep driving. We’d prefer if you didn’t stop in to visit.
Monroe Doctrine (MD): It’s a pleasure to have you in the CFCL.
Candy Colored Clowns (CCC): Thanks. I’ve been looking for a local league that is as dedicated as the CFCL appears to be.
MD: Did you know that you look like Mr. Mitchell, Dennis the Menace’s father? Or Calvin’s father from Calvin and Hobbes? Especially when your glasses get dark due to the light.
CCC: Interesting. My wife has told me I’m quite dashing, but I’ve never been compared to a comic strip character – let along two. Next year I’ll bring a pipe to complete the image.
MD: Where does the name Candy Colored Clowns derive from?
CCC: It’s me facing my childhood fears. Clowns scared the hell out of me and candy with various colors freaked me out. Give me a Snickers, Milky Way or Hershey’s Bar any day of the week. But jelly beans, Skittles, M&M’s and Chuckles give me the willies. Think of it like the dude from The Natural. The owner of the New York Knights had a fear of the dark, so as an adult he kept his office in the dark that he might prove he had conquered his fears.
MD: In your “application” to the CFCL you mentioned that the Cincinnati Reds are your favorite team. Do you see any future drafting problems with other owners trying to make you pay extra for your home town heroes?
CCC: Not at all for two reasons. First of all this is the “Cubs Fan Club League” so methinks there are plenty of Cub rooters that are facing the same dilemma. Secondly, I saw the abuse heaped on the Stones and their Brewer love so I think I’ll be able to fly under the radar for a few years.
MD: You certainly did make a big statement when you pointed out that .23 wouldn’t be enough to buy Corey Patterson.
CCC: Yeah, that’s true. I was just telling them the price of playing poker. It’s not like I overdid it by drafting sixteen Brewers for my reserve list. I mean, c’mon Steve, at least try to disguise your passion a little!
MD: How did you find the CFCL?
CCC: I turned right off of Meyers, into the parking lot. But seriously, I received an e-mail from Kenn Ruby asking if I would be interested in joining. Kenn and I go way back. We were in the same STATS Fantasy League and I kicked Kenn around like he was a worn out soccer ball. Then we bowled together, just because I wanted him to think he could beat me at something. I’m not so sure about him anymore, though. What’s with Mr. Corn Cob?
MD: We’re not quite sure either. But the dude did win it all last year so you have to give him his props.
CCC: I will, begrudgingly.
MD: During the draft, the Rebels implored you to blink in the bidding on Derrek Lee. Ultimately you passed at .41. Had the Rebels worn their Authentic Derrek Lee jersey, would you have bid higher?
CCC: Oh man, I would have made him pay more than Chase Utley. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have blinked. I felt like the Stones were most likely going to drop (which they did), but I should have pushed the Rebels around with my pocketbook like I was Paris Hilton on a weekend spree. Oh well, live and learn.
MD: Mike, thanks for your time. Welcome to the CFCL!
CCC: My pleasure. If you’re ever in Orland Hills . . . keep driving. We’d prefer if you didn’t stop in to visit.
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