Meet the Candy Colored Clowns

Since our time is always limited at the Draft for socializing and connecting with our fellow owners, the Monroe Doctrine has stepped up to the plate to bring you in-depth information about our three new owners. Over the next three weeks, you will be meeting your new owners again, for the first time. Due to scheduling conflicts and time constraints we didn’t bother ourselves with the formality of actually interviewing the new owners. I’m sure what follows will be news to them as well as you.

Monroe Doctrine (MD): It’s a pleasure to have you in the CFCL.

Candy Colored Clowns (CCC): Thanks. I’ve been looking for a local league that is as dedicated as the CFCL appears to be.

MD: Did you know that you look like Mr. Mitchell, Dennis the Menace’s father? Or Calvin’s father from Calvin and Hobbes? Especially when your glasses get dark due to the light.

CCC: Interesting. My wife has told me I’m quite dashing, but I’ve never been compared to a comic strip character – let along two. Next year I’ll bring a pipe to complete the image.

MD: Where does the name Candy Colored Clowns derive from?

CCC: It’s me facing my childhood fears. Clowns scared the hell out of me and candy with various colors freaked me out. Give me a Snickers, Milky Way or Hershey’s Bar any day of the week. But jelly beans, Skittles, M&M’s and Chuckles give me the willies. Think of it like the dude from The Natural. The owner of the New York Knights had a fear of the dark, so as an adult he kept his office in the dark that he might prove he had conquered his fears.

MD: In your “application” to the CFCL you mentioned that the Cincinnati Reds are your favorite team. Do you see any future drafting problems with other owners trying to make you pay extra for your home town heroes?

CCC: Not at all for two reasons. First of all this is the “Cubs Fan Club League” so methinks there are plenty of Cub rooters that are facing the same dilemma. Secondly, I saw the abuse heaped on the Stones and their Brewer love so I think I’ll be able to fly under the radar for a few years.

MD: You certainly did make a big statement when you pointed out that .23 wouldn’t be enough to buy Corey Patterson.

CCC: Yeah, that’s true. I was just telling them the price of playing poker. It’s not like I overdid it by drafting sixteen Brewers for my reserve list. I mean, c’mon Steve, at least try to disguise your passion a little!

MD: How did you find the CFCL?

CCC: I turned right off of Meyers, into the parking lot. But seriously, I received an e-mail from Kenn Ruby asking if I would be interested in joining. Kenn and I go way back. We were in the same STATS Fantasy League and I kicked Kenn around like he was a worn out soccer ball. Then we bowled together, just because I wanted him to think he could beat me at something. I’m not so sure about him anymore, though. What’s with Mr. Corn Cob?

MD: We’re not quite sure either. But the dude did win it all last year so you have to give him his props.

CCC: I will, begrudgingly.

MD: During the draft, the Rebels implored you to blink in the bidding on Derrek Lee. Ultimately you passed at .41. Had the Rebels worn their Authentic Derrek Lee jersey, would you have bid higher?

CCC: Oh man, I would have made him pay more than Chase Utley. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have blinked. I felt like the Stones were most likely going to drop (which they did), but I should have pushed the Rebels around with my pocketbook like I was Paris Hilton on a weekend spree. Oh well, live and learn.

MD: Mike, thanks for your time. Welcome to the CFCL!

CCC: My pleasure. If you’re ever in Orland Hills . . . keep driving. We’d prefer if you didn’t stop in to visit.