Heeeere's Nick!

It’s time to re-meet Nick Hansen, Owner of the Eukenott Beatniks and former owner of Nicks Picts. Here’s the Monroe Doctrine legal disclosure:

Due to scheduling conflicts and time constraints we didn’t bother ourselves with the formality of actually interviewing the new owner. I’m sure what follows will be news to him as well as you.

MD: Welcome back, Nick! It’s been too long. So, to start off, what’s with the team name?

EB: Well Eukenott is a little eatery that is home to the best Italian Beef you’ll ever have. It’s name lends itself so well and Beatnik is really my alter ego. I may be fluent in English and Computer-eze, I’ve thrived on the “just off the beaten path” and besides – I look really good in turtlenecks.

MD: OK, that begs the question. If you’re so good at writing computer programs, why didn’t you ever write an equation that allowed the Picts to come in first?

EB: While I fancy myself quite the programmer (I’ve won awards!), there are certain limits to even my genius. I have to be given quality to start with, and well, that hasn’t happened so far.

MD: Can you describe your rivalry with Dem Rebels?

EB: I’ll say this - that last Q&A goes a long way to explain why there’s such a rift between us.

MD: Try not to break the fourth wall, Nick.

EB: Whatever. I’m allergic to flannel and moonshine. He never seemed to appreciate the finer qualities of tartan. We’ll see how he feels about turtlenecks, berets and rectangle sunglasses while we’re scoring on him more than the Kardashian sisters.

MD: You were gone for two years. Why?

EB: Well, I moved to Nebraska initially and found that there is so much to do, nightlife, nature, creative energy outlets; that I couldn’t focus on baseball. That and the fact that, interestingly, there is no Internet in Nebraska. So during the season I had to conduct my league business via carrier pigeon which just got messy.

MD: Is it true that Commissioner Bentel serenaded you with a Christmas song to lure you back to the CFCL?

EB: Carol of the (Base)Balls would have been nice, but Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer did its job. Yeah, he’s been begging me to come back for a while. It got embarrassing. So I finally relented and decided to look forward to the six and half hour drive back to Chicagoland next spring.

MD: So where officially are the Beatnik corporate offices?

EB: We’re located in Sioux City, Iowa (“Iowa! Gateway to Nebraska!”) hard along the banks of the Missouri River. One mild F-1 Tornado, and believe you me we get plenty of those ripping through town, and we’re in Nebraska. Matter of fact, Tornado Season correlates very closely to our fourteen game homestand this summer. We bring a whole new meaning to the term “wind-aided homerun”.

MD: Recently you e-mailed a picture of David Hasselhoff and some puppies. Care to explain?

EB: Well I could say that my wife (the loving and oh so understanding Elizabeth) high-jacked my computer while I got up to get some hot green tea and a biscotti, but there’s a chance she’ll read this, so I have to tell the truth. While it has nothing to do with the Beatniks, I do own every album Mr. Hasselhoff has recorded. He’s an unappreciated and misunderstood musical genius. The people over in Germany have it figured out.

MD: You do understand that your name, The Beatniks, lends itself to derision by calling you The Beat-Nicks? Every team that finishes above you in the standings could call you that.

EB: I’ve thought about that. But let’s be honest, on average only eight or nine teams will be saying that each year. I’m not worried.

MD: There’s nothing else to say. Thank you Nick. Welcome back! You were sorely missed.