Say It Right

Some catch phrases, or shortcuts, in sports - particularly baseball - are annoying. Why do we as a society feel the need to come up with a new phrase and then beat it into the ground until it’s just so many nails on a chalkboard? “Like” sound familiar? “I know, right?” “Really?”

Ryan Dempster takes the bump. “The bump” is just a horrible, lazy phrase. It conjures up nightmarish images thanks to TMZ and tabloid magazines. “Jennifer Garner shows off her baby bump”. That’s a pejorative expression of the miracle of the birth process. But it fits a headline and makes a stupid sound bite. Ryan Dempster is pitching, is on the hill, takes the mound, faces the Reds . . . all good phrases.

Base knock – It’s a base hit folks. Or a single. Or if you want to go Old School, a safety – but let’s not get carried away. Base knock makes no sense.

There is nothing wrong with saying a team’s home town completely. Shortening it to: St. Loo, Beantown, Beer Town (That’s Milwaukee, but St. Louis brews beer and Coors comes from Colorado) is just irritating. I can live with City by the Bay, but other than that, just say the name of the city.

Pop fly – A batter either hits a pop-up or a flyball. If an infielder catches the ball it’s a pop-up. If an outfielder gets it, it’s a flyball. There’s no reason to create a hybrid. I can trace the origin of this phrase to two possible sources, both local. Pat Hughes uses it constantly. That’s probably because he’s stupid. If it was around before Hughes came to Chicago then I blame Shawon Dunston. He would range out into the outfield and take away flyballs from the outfielders. Gary Matthews would have had 200 more putouts in his career if someone else had played shortstop.

Rake – if you’re not intimately involved in the business, don’t use the terminology. It’s like trying to spell something, say “about”, and using the terms Alpha, Bravo, Omega . . if you’re not in the military you just sound stupid. Of course Dave Otto was intimately in the business and he can’t pull it off either. Rake should only be used in the dugout among baseball players.

No-No – It refers to a pitcher throwing a no-hitter. The problem is that it sounds like the announcer is scolding a two year old. “We have a no-no!” Plus the fact there’s no reason to say “no” twice. The No refers to hits. No reason to say no-no. It’s not referring to hits and runs as there have been pitchers in major league history to throw a no-hitter and lose the game because the winning run was score via error, walk, fielder’s choice, sac fly or some combination thereof. Again, like “the bump”, it’s a sophomoric way to express something.

Oh, and one more baseball statement that isn’t a pain, just amazingly accurate. Every team will win 60, every team will lose 60, it’s what you do with the remaining 42 that determines your season. Think about that. Six months of baseball, free agent signings, trades and it all comes down to 42 games. True to form, this season every team in the Major League has lost at least 60 and won at least 60 (save the Houston Astros). The Cubs chose to win just eleven of their 42 games.

Generally Managing An Opportunity

This off-season should be one of the most interesting in recent Cubs history. They are in need of a General Manager and the understanding is that the position will be filled by late October/early November. There are some interesting reports as to the potential candidates for the job. The media has tossed out names like Cashman, Epstein, and Andrew Friedman.

Even the esteemed Buster Olney has claimed the Chicago Cub General Manager position to be the Crown Jewel; the best, most attractive opening in baseball in the last ten years. As an unabashed, lifelong Cubs fan – my Cub flag waving, “Go Cubs Go” Singing, Andre Dawson Salam Genuflecting self has to say “Huh?”

The only upside I see to Cashman or Epstein or any other top GM coming over here is they have a chance to be THE GUY (or in Epstein’s case THE GUY – THE SEQUEL) in baseball history. While that is alluring, it hasn’t been done in 104 years. Hasn’t been done in triple digits. Other than that, at this point, where is the attraction?

You have Soriano ($18 million) on the books until he’s seventy. The Cubs haven’t formally agreed to eat and dispose of Zambrano’s $18 million contract. You have an owner that has said that while he will commit the same amount of operational dollars to the organization, the money will be restructured. So instead of having $140 million go to the major league payroll, they may only spend $110 million on the major league payroll with the extra $30 million being redirected to scouting, farm team development and/or Pacific Rim or Latin America development. All this, by the way, is a really intelligent way to run a business. However if you’re trying to attract a top GM who may not be willing to wait three or four years to see playoff/World Series results, it may be a hard sell. The Cubs are not in a “Win Now” mode.

Additionally, money is going to be spent on Hendry to pay him for next year. Most likely money will be spent on Quade to have him sit around (unless he accepts another position within the organization) AND money will be spent on a new manager, unless for some reason the new GM agrees to keep Quade on for next year while they wait for Zambrano and Ramirez’s contracts to expire and then in 2013 go forward with available money and a new manager. So that’s more dollars that won’t be going to on-the-field payroll.

Add to that a minor league system that sports Brett Jackson and the still young Josh Vitters and that’s about it. This year being a washout we had the opportunity to see what Bryan LaHair, Tony Compana and Tyler Colvin could do, but instead we have a healthy view of the capabilities of the late Kosuke Fukudome, Marlon Byrd and Alfonso Soriano. There are some additional interesting pieces (Matt Szczur, Chris Carpenter, Trey McNutt and Jay Jackson), but not the overwhelming amount of talent that would make a top line GM salivate.

God knows I’ve never run a major league franchise and from looking at the CFCL standings for the past decade, I don’t know how to run a fantasy team either. Aside from the allure of being the guy that puts all the curses to bed and being able to work in the greatest city in the world, I don’t see what makes the Chicago Cubs GM position all that attractive for the proven GMs. That being said, Mr. Ricketts, if you can’t lure Cashman, Epstein, et. al. know that my hat is in the ring. Twenty-eight year General Manager experience; two more championships during that time than the Cubs have managed; an eye for acquiring talented youth (Castro, Heyward, Brown, Stanton) and, yes, I have plenty of experience and talent to make a bad trade (Andrew McCutchen). Call me, Tom. We’ll do lunch.

Can I Get a Little Help?

Chicago needs to improve. There is too much stupidity and entitlement going around.

I'm talking about Lance Briggs. Dude, you signed a six year deal. That means you abide by the terms of the contract for six years. You haven’t outplayed your compensation. When the Bears signed you (after you said you wouldn’t play anymore for the Bears, by the way) they expected you to play to your full capabilities, which with your talent means being an All-Pro. They didn’t sign you with the intention you would be mediocre for six years. If you’re pissed that your contemporaries make more, what did you think? Other NFL players would sign contracts worth less than yours for the next six years?

I’m talking about the idiot media and talking heads of TV and Radio. When it was learned that Ozzie Guillen wanted an extension on his contract, which expires at the end of the 2012 season (oh, by the way, Ozzie? See Lance Briggs.) these media geniuses were saying it made sense because Ozzie is a lame duck. No he isn’t. You’re a lame duck when there is no possible way the term for your position can be extended. Jim Hendry was a lame duck for a month, although only he and Ricketts knew it. George W. Bush and Bill Clinton were lame ducks, essentially once they were re-elected to office, but certainly as they entered the eighth year of their administration. Randy Bush, while not officially since he’s still in the position and could be signed for next year is about as lame a duck as you can be without being one. Ozzie still has a full season and a month on his contract. And if he, Kenny and Jerry could play nice, it’s possible he could have a lifetime contract which means he’s not a lame duck.

I’m talking about Cub Manager Mike Quade. Mike, I was your biggest supporter after the 2010 season before a “new” manager was named (really, check the Monroe Doctrine on September 20, 2010. You were my dark horse favorite). I was in agreement with the Cubs for hiring you for the 2011 and 2012 seasons because, in part, you promised you would hold players accountable and focus on the fundamentals. Well for the 2011 season the fundamentals have sucked and all you’ve done is throw your weight around at Castro, Barney and Colvin. Ramirez loafs his way to first and he keeps getting his name put on the lineup card. Soriano goes after fly balls near the leftfield wall like water goes after oil and he’s in the lineup every day. Either hold players accountable and execute the fundamentals like you promised or move on.

I’m talking about Pat Hughes. He has to go. He has negotiated into his contract that he gets the fifth inning off of every game, including spring training, (as the knowledgeable owner of the DoorMatts quipped “Could you see Vin Scully doing that?”). Additionally he has had at least two scheduled days off this season. The tone in his voice when a game goes extra innings or the temperature is above 89 degrees or below 65 is one of “I can’t believe I have to work in these conditions.” Pat, you work for the Cubs. That means virtually every year you don’t have to work from October 1^st to April 1^st as it is. You get paid to go to spring training to watch baseball – something thousands of Chicagoans do every year, yet they pay for the opportunity. Either commit yourself to the game (not dumbass stories about Gilligan’s Island or what you packed for the road trip) or, preferably, move on.

I’m talking about the Cubs. They need starting pitching. Matt Garza is ok as a #2 or #3. I can live with Wells in the 4^th or 5^th slot. I don’t mind Dempster in 3^rd or 4^th slot. We need two starters. No, we need TWO STARTERS. Andrew Cashner could be one of those guys, but not until at least 2013. He’s been injured all year so you can’t expect him to shoulder much of a load next year (remember Mark Prior in 2003?) Doug Davis, Rodrigo Lopez and Casey Coleman are not options for next year.

I’m talking about the Cubs approach to the second half of the 2011 season. You guys suck this year. You’ll be lucky to finish ahead of the Astros by giving your all. So at the end of the season you will be 25 games out of first, sitting in fourth place and have no idea what Tony Campana can do beside run really fast. No idea if Tyler Colvin is Tyler Colvin 2010, Tyler Colvin 2011 or some variation. You have no idea what Bryan LaHair is besides 28 years old. This team was dead in June and has wasted three months doing nothing besides finally, finally ridding itself of Carlos Zambrano.

Oh, and a General Manger. We need one of those too.

We have a lot of work to do. A lot of changes are coming in the off-season. But as bad as things are here in Chicago, at least we’re not Los Angeles (no NFL franchise, fans literally almost beating another team’s fan to death, bankrupt team, smog and the Real Housewives of Orange County). At least we don’t have that going for us. Which is nice.