Admitting a Problem is the First Step

‘Welcome to Sportsline Live Scoring Fantasy Game Center Addicts Support group.’

“Hi, my name is Rich”

‘Hiii Rich’

“I think I may have a problem. Sportsline updates the standings to my fantasy baseball league, the CFCL, pitch by pitch! I can’t believe it! I watch each night as my team moves up and down the standings. I can’t get enough of it.”

‘Admitting you have a problem, Rich, is the first step to recovery. This support group for Addiction to Sportsline Live Scoring Fantasy Game Center (ASLSFGC) is designed to help fantasy owners with the issues that you have expressed. In fact, you may recognize that guy in chair number two. He’s here because he would rather look at the Game Center than his own son.’

“Hey, Kenn. How’s it going?”

‘If you’re serious about getting help, we are happy to assist you. Are you familiar with the “12 Steps”?’

“Not in detail.”

‘OK, let’s review them.’

1) Admit we are powerless

“Gotcha. I am powerless. Every night I find myself clicking on my bookmarked page to see how my team is doing and then just sit there entranced until the final out of the evening is recorded. I also admit that I am powerless to the fact that Grady Little won’t play Wilson Betemit so Willie can work his way out of his slump.”

2) Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity

“I’m not sure how this will help. The power of Derrek Lee’s swing and Aaron Harang’s fastball is what got me in trouble to begin with.”

3) Made decision to turn our will and lives over to God

“I’ve always viewed Hank Aaron as a baseball god. He’s been through much more than I have ever been and currently has to deal with this whole Bonds mess, so I’m willing to turn over my life and will to him. No problem with two out of three so far.”

4) Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

“I think I’m okay here. I made a few deals during the off-season and morally I feel good. Some may have questioned the legitimacy of Zambrano for Weathers, but given the opportunity Weathers currently has and the fact it saved the DoorMatts .22 for the draft, I’m comfortable with it. Moral inventory – check.”

5) Admit to God, ourselves and others exact nature of our wrongs

“Hank, I should have drafted you last year. Finishing last without pulling out all stops, that was just flat wrong.”

6) Ready to have God remove all defects of our character.

“By all means, please. And while you’re at it, can you remove the defects from Sportsline’s website? I mean, not being able to view a Waiver List is insane. And what’s with the IBB column? Like we have to be told that the pitcher Issued a Base on Balls. Is there any other kind of Base on Balls other than one that was issued by the pitcher? And HA?! Of course the pitcher Allowed a Hit! Is there also a column for Hit Not Allowed? . . .Oh man, I’m only half way through the list and already I’m going back to my bad place.”

7) Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings

“Hammer, don’t hurt me.”

8) Make a list of all persons we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all

“Okay, let’s see, there’s Kim, Katelyn, Ally and Kristi. Am I still harming them if I mainly have this addiction at night after they’ve gone to bed? Never mind, I’ll probably slip up on a weekend afternoon. Make amends – check.”

9) Make direct amends to all such people, except when to do so would injure them or others

“I’m glad you point this out. While I don’t want any bodily injury to come my way, although I think it’s inevitable, I’m concerned that the frying pan directed at my head may miss me and smack one of the girls.”

10) Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong, promptly admit it

“Wow, you’re good. Step number 10 and you’ve already caught me. Between Steps 8 and 9 I clicked over to find that I’m still in second, now only ONE point behind the Copperfields. Back around Step 2 I was three points behind.”

11) Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we know him

“Now I lay me down to sleep, Hank Aaron takes Al Downing deep. If I dream before I wake, let Prince Fielder a cycle make.”

12) Have a spiritual awakening of these steps we try to carry this message to others afflicted with ASLSFGC

“The other ten of you are welcome to join Kenn and me at the next meeting. Internet connectivity is strictly forbidden.”