The Honeymoon Is Over

Dateline: Fort Payne, Alabama

This breaking news was reported straight from Dem Rebels Headquarters. Rebel pitching ace, Carlos Zambrano, has been suspended indefinitely by the Rebels.

At a press conference, held Tuesday, September 4th, Rich Bentel, General Manager of Dem Rebels released this statement. “Dem Rebels have determined it is necessary to take the action of suspending pitcher Carlos Zambrano for his comments and actions that we feel are detrimental to our fans and our ballclub.”

This stems from Zambrano’s latest outing in which he made a series of questionable decisions and gave up eight earned runs on seven hits and five walks in four and a third innings.

"When he walked off the field pointing to his head and ears (as the fans were booing), I thought he was telling our great fans: 'I hear you, you're right. I understand why you're frustrated'" said Head Rebel Bentel. "I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But then for him to storm after the game into the Rebels Press Pagoda and proceed to rip our fans - the very ones that pay him his exorbitant .30 salary - well that dog won't hunt."

Zambrano showed some contrition the next day admitting he made a mistake. "When I make a mistake I admit it. I'm sorry, I was wrong."

Apparently Bentel isn't that moved. "He SHOULD apologize. We've been dealing with his antics all year long. We pay him good money, gave up a top closer to acquire him in the off season, and all we deal with is crackerbarrel garbage. In his last outing alone we saw him run through his thirdbase coach’s stop sign, stab at a grounder with his barehand and walk off the field showing up the fans. In previous starts he’s broken bats over his knee, bounced around the mound showing up the opposition and smacked himself in the head with his bat. Although I have to admit, when he clocked Barrett (of the rival Copperfields) I didn't mind it none too much."

Bentel continued "But we are in the middle of a heated pennant race. We need Quality Starts and a lot of strikeouts from Zambrano. We don't need him blowing stop signs and reaching for groundballs with his bare hand. If he wants to be part of this winning tradition that we've established for the last three months, he's going to have to prove that he can contribute to the team. Right now Harang and Maddux are carrying his large hindquarters, and that just ain't right."

"We've got El Duque on the sideline and a few other starters that forgot how to pitch. Zambrano needs to step up and show he's worth the coin he's receiving. We can’t afford any stupid mistakes. We’re three points off the lead and until Zambrano can prove to us that he won’t hurt the team more than help it, he’s on the bench. And let me tell you, if he still thinks he gets to ride shotgun in the Rebel Mobile Home Cruiser for the next roadtrip to The Projects against David’s Ruffins, he has another think comin’"